Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Control Freak

 
I hate carpools. If I agree to share a ride to work, this means I give up control to some degree—especially if I’m not the driver. After all, what if I want to grab a coffee at the drive-thru? What if I need to leave work early? There have been times when I decided to forgo the blessing of fellowship just so I could be the one in control.
At times I’m a control freak, or least I can be when I’m not moving in the power of the Holy Spirit. When I allow my Lord to take the wheel, things suddenly become much more organized and manageable.
Driving around town can be a lot like my life when the Lord is not in control. I encounter self-imposed stimuli like the radio, conversations with my six-year-old, the temperature in the car, the GPS chatting at me, my cup of coffee calling for my attention, and my smart phone ringing.
But there’s more. I also have outside complications. Aggressive drivers whip in and out of my lane. Traffic cones, school zones, and potholes mock me along with a million traffic signs, which I must immediately recognize by shape and color and then obey. Sometimes it’s even raining.
I have an ongoing battle with my pride. I often tend to work out my problems on my own, without asking Jesus for help. My family of origin taught me independence was a desirable trait to strive for. My childhood circumstances and most of my young-adult years reinforced this. I learned I could not rely on people to help me in certain situations. This has at times hindered my dependence on God. I need to be deliberate in chasing after and killing my independence. Without Christ I can do nothing. I might try to fix circumstances on my own. It might even work out okay. However, this isn’t biblical and it doesn't reflect a heart of trust or reliance on God. Taking the wheel from God is a huge mistake. Each time I try to move in my own skills—my know-how—what I’m basically saying is, “God, I don't really believe You can help me. I can do it better.”
I finally learned that a life directed by God was the only way to succeed. This was the only way to be the man of God—the father—He wanted me to be. Still from time to time I want to take the wheel, or at least attempt some back-seat driving, trying to help the journey with a shortcut.
So... what triggers control issues in you?
In what ways have you tried to fix your broken family on your own?